


Fallen

by xtremeroswellian



Series: Tainted Love [5]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Lionel Luthor is a dick, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian
Summary: She had no one to blame but herself. She wanted to blame Clark, but logically, she knew it wasn’t his fault. She alone was responsible for her own actions. It just meant that she was so riddled with guilt she was bordering on self-hatred.
Relationships: Chloe Sullivan & Clark Kent, Martha Kent & Chloe Sullivan
Series: Tainted Love [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721302
Kudos: 3





	Fallen

_Truth be told I tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more  
Than I could bear_

Chloe sat alone in the corner of the Talon, her head resting against the wall, and her feet curled beneath her as she stared blankly at her notebook. She was supposed to be composing an essay on violence against women, but so far she had nothing. It wasn’t that she lacked research materials--she certainly had access to all of the books from the library and the local sexual assault center gladly handed out pamphlets of information upon request.

It was that she was too distracted to write.

Setting her pen on the table beside the notebook, she let out a breath and rested her head in her hands. Since Lana had left several days before, and if she was honest with herself, even before that--things had gone from bad to worse.

Of course she had no one to blame but herself. She wanted to blame Clark, but logically, she knew it wasn’t his fault. She alone was responsible for her own actions. It just meant that she was so riddled with guilt she was bordering on self-hatred.

Her deal with the devil had cost her just about everything. Her self-worth had been the first to go out the window. Followed quickly by integrity, respect, and journalistic standards. Then of course, the more obvious: her friendship with Clark, her dad’s job, her internship at the Daily Planet, their house. The hits just kept on coming and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. Lionel Luthor had truly set out to make sure she would regret backing out of their agreement.

The blame was hers alone to bare. And the guilt was so intense it was nearly suffocating. Her dad had descended into a depression, though he tried to hide it from her, not wanting her to see how far he’d fallen.

A wave of anguish washed over her and she abandoned her things at the table and headed for the restroom, not even noticing as Martha Kent stepped into the diner, a worried look on her face.

After several long moments of suppressing the sobs in her throat, Chloe splashed cold water on her face, not even able to look at herself in the mirror above the sink. She dried her skin with a paper towel and let out a breath, trying to collect herself.

Tucking some hair behind her ear, she slowly exited the restroom, making her way back over to the booth she’d been occupying and stopping in her tracks when she spotted Martha Kent sitting there.

Feeling wary, she slowly finished the short distance to the table and forced a smile on her face. “Mrs. Kent,” she said nervously.

“Hello, Chloe,” Martha greeted her warmly. “Sit down.”

She hesitated a moment, then did as the woman requested, not meeting her gaze. “What can I do for you?”

“I haven’t seen you around lately,” she said gently. “I thought maybe we could talk.”

Chloe glanced around the diner, taking note of how empty it was. Then she focused on Clark’s mother once more. “Mrs. Kent, I know you’re probably worried because I know about…Clark, but…I wouldn’t say anything. Ever.”

Martha reached across the table and rested her hand on top of Chloe’s. “I ran into your father earlier today.” Her voice was soft.

Chloe swallowed hard, immediately dropping her gaze to the table.

“Chloe, I had no idea what was going on,” she murmured. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she answered without hesitation, nodding.

Martha looked at her doubtfully. “Why don’t you come over tonight and have dinner with us?”

“That’s…really sweet, but…” Chloe shook her head. “I can’t. I’ve got a paper to write and a ton of other homework to do.”

“I know that you and Clark have your differences, but I want you to know that you are always welcome at our house.” She gave her hand a gentle squeeze and the warmth in her voice made tears flood her eyes.

“Thanks, Mrs. Kent,” she whispered, her voice strained.

Martha’s eyes were full of sympathy and she slowly stood and moved around to the booth where Chloe was sitting, looking lost and more lonely than Clark on a good day. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around the young girl, hugging her tightly.

Chloe closed her eyes, resting her head on Mrs. Kent’s shoulder and holding her breath as she tried not to breakdown right there in the middle of the Talon.

“I know hard it is for you to be around him sometimes,” she whispered, stroking Chloe’s hair gently and resting her chin on top of her head. “Things don’t always happen when we want them to. Sometimes…you just have to let them happen the way they’re supposed to, even when it hurts.”

A soft sob escaped her lips and she felt Mrs. Kent’s arms tighten around her a bit more.

“He cares about you more than you know. More than he even realizes, I think,” she said softly. “Don’t shut him out, Chloe. You need each other.”

She sniffled a little, trying to calm her emotions. “Everything’s so messed up, Mrs. Kent,” she whispered.

“I know it seems that way right now, but…things have a way of sorting themselves out. It’s always darkest just before the dawn.”

Chloe let out a breath, closing her eyes tightly. It felt good to have someone comfort her, to hold her and tell her things would be all right, even if she didn’t believe it.

There were times in her life, especially the last several weeks when she wished for nothing but to have her own mother back in her life, to comfort and reassure her. Mrs. Kent wasn’t her mother, but she was the closest thing to a mom Chloe had, and had been since Chloe and her father had moved to Smallville several years ago.

After a long moment, Chloe forced herself to pull away from the embrace, despite how comforting it was, reminding herself after what she’d done, she didn’t deserve to be comforted--especially not by Martha Kent. If the woman had any idea what Chloe had done--had almost done--she would hate her.

Swallowing hard, she forced a smile. “Thanks for everything,” she said quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

Sensing the girl’s withdraw again, Martha sighed softly and touched her cheek. “If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to come to us. Or at least to me, if you don’t wanna face Clark. I’m here for you.”

Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched Mrs. Kent head for the exit of the Talon. She looked down at the table, at her trembling hands, and wished she could just sink into the floor and disappear completely.

* * *

_Though I’ve tried I’ve fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I’ve messed up  
Better I should know  
So don’t come ‘round here  
And tell me ‘I told you so’_

A wave of dread hit her the moment she stepped into Smallville High the next morning. It was so intense, she felt dizzy and like she needed to sit down. The steady stream of students pouring into the hallway only served to make her feel both rushed and claustrophobic at the same time, and the breath hitched in her throat.

Pushing her way the crowd, she didn’t bother going to her locker, she simply headed straight for her safe haven--the Torch office.

She unlocked the door quickly and turned the handle, pushing it open and freezing in her tracks, all the color draining from her face. The room looked as though it had been ransacked. All of the pictures and articles on her Wall of Weird had been ripped down and lay in pieces on the floor, along with the contents of her desk. Every computer in the office was gone. Tables were overturned and there was broken glass everywhere.

Scrawled in large red letters across the wall was the word bitch.

Overwhelmed now for a different reason, she didn’t even bother flipping on the light overhead, simply stepped farther into the office, shutting the door behind her as tears welled in her eyes.

This was a low blow, even for a man like Lionel Luthor. It wasn’t really his style, but she wouldn’t put anything past him. After all, she stood between him and what he wanted. He undoubtedly hadn’t done this himself; he’d likely paid someone to do his dirty work for him.

Chloe closed her eyes and slowly sank down to the floor, dropping her bag and purse as a soft, inaudible sob escaped her.

* * *

_We all begin with good intent  
When love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past can be undone  
Though we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
In the lonely light of morning  
In the wound that would not heal_

Clark was halfway to his first period class when he heard the familiar, distinct sound of someone crying. He paused in his tracks, listening and realized it was coming from the Torch office. Worried, he sped down the hall and opened the door to find Chloe collapsed on the floor, her face buried in her hands as she cried, her shoulders shaking violently.

It was then that he realized the state of destruct that the office was in. His eyes widened in shock and his mind tried to put together what had happened. The word scrawled on the wall stood out like blood on snow and he felt sick. Why would anyone do this? To Chloe? It didn’t make any sense. Sure, she’d pissed people off with her editorials in the past, but none of them could come close to justifying this amount of destruction.

“Chloe?” he whispered, setting his bag on the floor and moving to her side, suddenly afraid for another reason. Had she been there when whoever had done this had come by? Had they hurt her? His heart pounding heavily, he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch.

She slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes red-rimmed from crying, and more unshed tears still blurring her vision.

Clark drew in a sharp breath, stunned by how pale her skin was, by how tired she looked. Something was very wrong, and it wasn’t just the fact that her safe haven had been wiped out. Something had been eating at her for awhile now, and even though she’d been avoiding him like he had the plague, he should have realized it sooner. “What happened?” he whispered.

A sob escaped her lips and she dropped her gaze to the floor once again, shaking her head. “I just came in and found it like this.”

A wave of relief washed over him. Whoever had done this hadn’t harmed her physically, thank God.

He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull her into his arms, but he hesitated. They hadn’t been speaking lately and no matter how upset she was and how badly he wanted to comfort her, he didn’t think she’d be very happy about it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes tightly, as if his words pained her in some way that he didn’t understand. “Don’t,” she whispered back, her voice pleading.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Chloe, we’ll get this place cleaned back up and running in no time.”

“No. We won’t,” she answered, her voice strained.

“Sure we will. I’ll go get Pete, and we’ll get started right away.”

She pressed her hands to her face, drawing in a shuddering breath. “Don’t worry about it, Clark.”

It didn’t make any sense. This paper was her life, and she was refusing not only his help, but seemed to be refusing to do anything about it at all. He watched as she slowly stood up.

Clark rose to his feet as well, more worried than he had been.

She moved over to where her Wall of Weird had once been, standing before it silently for a long moment as he simply watched. She reached up and ran her fingers lightly over the wall, over the angry red letters that had been scrawled there. “Appropriate,” she said almost inaudibly and if it hadn’t been for his super-hearing, he wouldn’t have heard her at all.

“No, it’s not,” he said, his voice almost harsh. “I’m gonna find out who did this, Chloe, and I’ll make them pay.”

“I already know who did it,” Chloe murmured.

His eyes widened a little. Had he been wrong? Had she been there when the intruder had invaded the office and destroyed it? “Chloe, who--”

“Lionel Luthor,” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would Lionel--”

“Because I broke our agreement.”

He stared at her back, trying to figure out what she was talking about, but nothing made any sense to him.

Chloe hung her head, her shoulders drooping suddenly as if all the life had gone out of her. “He wanted me to dig up information on you.”

Clark sucked in a breath, unable to respond as he stared at her in disbelief.

“I don’t have an excuse for what I did,” she said quietly. “But when I found you in Metropolis this summer and found out what I did…I couldn’t do that to you and…I told him I wasn’t going to work for him anymore.”

Feeling ill, he slowly moved to sit down in one of the chairs. He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself, still faced away from him, as if she were afraid to look at him.

“Considering what I’ve done, I guess karma’s catching up with me,” she whispered.

Clark closed his eyes for a moment, his own guilt and hurt and betrayal and confusion warring inside of him. “We both have our fair share of bad karma coming,” he said after a few seconds.

“Don’t,” she murmured. “Please.”

“Don’t what?”

“Forgive me.” Chloe swallowed hard, hot tears stinging her eyes once more.

“Chloe.” He slowly stood up, shaking his head.

“I mean it, Clark.” Her voice didn’t waver. She was serious. “Please just…go, okay?”

Not sure what to say, he slowly reached down and picked up his backpack off the floor and headed toward the closed door.

“Clark?”

He paused, glanced back at her, watched as her shoulders shook slightly despite her best efforts to hide her emotions. “Yeah?”

“He’s still investigating you. Watch your back.”

Swallowing hard, Clark nodded silently, then slipped out of the Torch office, leaving her alone in the midst of the destruction.

_It’s the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I’ve held so dear_

_Though I've tried I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I've messed up, better I should know  
So don't come 'round here and tell me  
'I told you so'_

_Heaven bend to take my hand  
With nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh, they turn their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
That it's one missed step, one slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_


End file.
